Three Dolphin Club Nature Shot

in Space

Welcome to The Three Dolphin Club!

Repost of a Landing Attempts Quora article found here. The question was “Have any astronauts in space had sex? Is that legal?“. For more writing not found on the main site check out the Landing Attempts Quora page here.

Welcome to the Three Dolphin Club! Glad to have you.

The theory goes in zero G the force generated by the person thrusting would seperate the loving couple by an equal force as to what pushed them together. Thus in order to procreate in space, you need a third.

Now while the third isn’t necessarily participating, they are acting as the third dolphin does in dolphin lovemaking. As a sort of brace which prevents the two from floating apart. However joining the LEO orbit club is not as easy as finding two willing partners. First you’ve got to get up there – perhaps following these steps. Then once your local space agency has gotten you safely aboard the ISS. The only place in space you could really “do it” today. You’d need to find some spare time and some privacy.

Complications…

Now because liquids tend to bunch and drift in space. Lubricant could be a challenge. Condoms should in theory still suffice for birth control but I imagine Trojan hasn’t done any significant space sex durability testing. So perhaps have a backup plan. Now the fun part. Get your brace dolphin to hold you in place, brace your partner against a wall and get to it. Your reduced bone density and slower blood flow will ensure a very lengthy and respectable time to finish. Astronauts are required to work out for quite a few hours a day onboard so might as well keep it interesting.

Now for clean-up. Assuming you’ve removed the condom cleanly, it should be a quick towel off for all three of you. However if you were gripped by the throes of passion and got a bit rough. This is where you’ll invent an excuse for the globules of floating semen your crewmates will have to contend with. Shouldn’t be a worry however, because you’re an astronaut. You know how to deal with inopprtune circumstances effectively!

Congratulations!

You’re now quite likely the first person to have sex in space. Humanity has lost our collective space virginity. Cue the flag raising ceremonies and elaborate parades with complex floats miming your heroic three person performace. Children will be confused. Adults will either be curious or befuddled. Competing spacegoing countries will work overtime to achieve similar results. Perhaps the headline “Worlds First Space Orgy” will soon populate the worlds media outlets. What a time to be alive. Any observing aliens will be confused and perhaps curious. Their alien news outlets might perhaps have the headline “Galaxies First Interstellar Orgy” soon after. The glories of space are limitless my friends. What milestones will we achieve next?


Written by Andrew Walls

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